One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize