Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
