just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
