Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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