I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
