I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
