worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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