Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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