I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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