I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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