i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
