I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
