so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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