I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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