so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
