Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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