sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
