i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
