I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
