Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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