Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
