I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
is it fun? or sober?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
