Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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