We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
