My room smells like vodka and shame
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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