just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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