My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
