my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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