So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
