I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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