I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Randomize
