I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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