He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
