lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
