I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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