there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
