he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
