So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
he shaved USA in his pubs
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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