how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
