OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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