I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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