Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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