The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
