dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
