When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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