youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
