Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
