I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
