I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
