so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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