i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize