best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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