He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
