dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
