3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
