I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
