Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize