Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
