I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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