Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
