Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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