do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
