I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
