She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
