you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
