he was CRYING into my vagina
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize