don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
God, I missed his penis.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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