How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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