The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
