if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Acid is not a monday night drug
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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