3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
